Jacquinn Speaks

My 30 Day Dating Diet

2011-02-25T20:55:00.000-08:00

----My 30 Day Dating Diet Journal----

"Embrace and appreciate your woman's mind." Tony Gaskins said. The immediate thought that rushed to my mind upon hearing this was, 'I don't have a woman' accompanied by brief inquiries as to why. However, with the amount of profound knowledge that he was dropping on us I couldn't conceive the answer at that point in time. Ooooops, let me rewind so I can make this more clear. Ok, I'm currently taking a eight week mens class via conference call entitled, "For the Love of me," which is for eight weeks and held every Thursday night facilitated by Motivational Speaker/Author Tony Gaskins.

Every week we cover different topics such as self knowledge, understanding love languages, understanding women and several other things. He initially announced the sign ups for this class via twitter and he tweeted that the first ten people who email the link he posted he will sign up for free versus paying the fee for this class. I took immediate advantage of this and in short that's what brings me to sharing my decision to do a 30 Day Dating Diet.

Just last night on the conference call, as I previously mentioned he said, "Embrace and appreciate your woman's mind." After the conference call-week three of this course I took everything in and generated questions in my mind, "Why don't I have a woman?" "Am I really adament about not wanting to get married?" I used to be so gung ho about marriage when I was younger.......did bad experiences with women dominate that "love bug" (for lack of a better term) that's inside of me?" "When I attempt to date women why do I neglect to really pursue her?" "Why do I view relationships (particularly marriage) the way that I do?" Scores of questions flooded my mind and I came to the conclusion that I had a lot of internal work to do and need to adopt a new belief system in regards to this.

Granted, women can be an asset to our growth and development but because I'm so jacked up inside I can't even attract a woman to be that asset due to the fact that since I'm messed up I'm attracting messed up women as well. Needless to say I had something like an "ah-ha" moment and decided to engage in a 30 Day Dating Diet. I first got this idea by Nina Brown via her twitter page. Although I thought that's "woman stuff" it hit me like a ton a bricks that this may not actually be such a bad idea for me(n). Also with the last day of Tony Gaskins course being completed in roughly 30 days from today I figured that this is a perfect opportunity.

During this 30 Day Dating Diet I will be keeping a journal of this experience. Some disciplines I put on myself are: to liberate myself from any intimate situations with women; including text messages. No getting a woman's number in spite of how good she's looking and smelling. Also I plan to read a book (haven't decided yet) about dating/relationships. What I hope to achieve once this is all done and over with is a rejuvenated outlook towards dating, relationships and most of all that word that most of us men fear......(ready)......(brace yourself)-----> MARRIAGE. I want to also look into women's history to see the struggles that they have endured for centuries; I believe this will give me a heightened level of respect and apprecition for them. Many if not all of those why's I asked myself should be answered sufficiently. There's several other things I hope to accomplish but my chief desire is to become a better man for myself and the next woman that I have the blessing of being with.

12th Annual African American Outreach Initiative

2011-02-12T21:09:00.000-08:00

(Male and Female condoms provided at the Conference)

Today I stepped into the Loundermilk Center located in downtown Atlanta to attend the 12th Annual African American Outreach Initiative. I went in with a preconceived notion that I would obtain a bunch of handouts from workshops I would attend. That I did, but also in some workshops we were asked to introduce ourselves. To my surprise many stated their names and added the year that they were diagnosed with the HIV Virus. No one seemed alarmed and the folks with HIV were embraced like family. The workshops that I attended were relative to emotional health. More specifically, they were, "Dealing with Stress for the Health of It: A Young Adult Perspective," and "Building Your Immune System with raw Foods, Fresh juicing, Exercise and Meditation."

The workshops were very engaging and we did various meditative breathing exercises. HIV/AIDS is inevitably a major epidemic within the African American community and I believe that we should seek to get tested to make sure that our health is up to par and those infected should act responsibly and inform their partners and stay in treatment. i am very much so looking forward to day two of this conference tomorrow and acquiring more useful information. It was imperative for me to attend this because as a current social work major and future social worker I'm certain that I will have clients living with HIV/AIDS and being educated about the disease will help me to be a more effective resource and support for them.

Moving On

2010-12-18T12:06:00.000-08:00

Many of us find it hard to move on from a person we just ended a relationship with. Maybe we were with this person six months, a year, three years, etc. I think one of the key things that we need to remember is that there's a difference between quality and quantity. To go a step further, you'll could have been together three years but in that three years how significant was the bond? Did the person help you grow? Help you discover/step closer to your goals and life purpose? Did they bring out the best in you? Each relationship has its own questions to be answered truthfully by those involved.

From personal experience, I admit it took some time getting over one of my ex-girlfriends but I eventually discovered that it was worth moving on from her. There are so many people in the world who we will come into contact with and begin dating as we journey through life. It makes no sense to sustain focus on someone who isn't in alignment with where you want to go in life and who you're not destined to be with as a soulmate. There are many things that we can do to "get over" an ex. Some are as follows:

Realize that it wasn't meant to be and there's no intimate compatibility.
Pray and seek to get on track with your source of higher power.
Accept it and learn to be by yourself, thus learning that being single can be a blessing and not a curse.
Dig deep within and seek ways to improve who you are so that you can attract a mate who brings similar energy to the table.
Socialize more, go out t0 your "age group based" night life spots.
Join professional associations to advance your career which can ultimately place you among other good dating candidates.
Depending on how severe it is seek counseling.
Get support from those in your inner circle who will comfort you and not engage in "man/women hate" sessions but in lieu of that will maturely offer advice and support to you.
Don't allow it to make you bitter, but better.
Embrace being single and enjoy it while you have it.

Let me once again say that moving on isn't easy, and as previously mentioned, I myself have been guilty of "being stuck" on someone. But ask yourself this, "Is he/she even thinking about me?" While you're sitting up depressed and mad at dam near every man/woman you're coming into contact with primarily over what your ex did; that ex is probably out living their life not even stressing over you. I'm not suggesting that we should just run and jump into anything else to get over the "ex"-no not at all because you definitely need time to heal. But never be mean to a potential "next" over your "ex." Simply let the person of interest know that you just got out of something and am recuperating from it. If they truly respect you then they will respect your present condition. Besides you have to build a friendship first right? Right! Some books that I would like to recommend are:

"Black Christian Singles Guide to Dating and Sexuality." by Chris Jackson
"Reposition Yourself." by T.D. Jakes
"Loose That Man & Let Him Go." by T.D. Jakes
"The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships." by Hill Harper
"Know Thy Self." by Na'im Akbar
"How to Love a Black Woman." by Dr. Ronn Elmore
"How to Love a Black Man." by Dr. Ronn Elmore
"Up From Here: Reclaiming the Male Spirit, A Guide to Transforming Emotions into Power and Freedom." by Iyanla Vanzant
"In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love you Want." by Iyanla Vanzant

In closing to this blog, it is worth mentioning that you can and will get over the person in due time. Shed your necessary tears, rant, get out more, go for the gusto of life and by all means GET OVER IT! God Bless.

"Life.......Is What You Make It."

2010-10-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

"Had I chose to go that route, my worth today would be around $70 million." I still think about those words uttered by Peter Buffett (son of Billionaire Investor Warren Buffett). This past Monday I took my seat at the Ray Charles Performing Arts Center at Morehouse College to attend Peter Buffett's Concert & Conversation event. Also, as a gift, the audience was given a free copy of his book "Life is What You Make It: Find Your Own Path To FulFillment." I will admit that I was shocked that he was a Musician and not solely an investor; hmmm hence the title of his book....he found his own path.

I respect Peter for his courage becuase he could've easily lived off of his father's fortune which to date according to recent Forbes Magazine article Warren Buffett's networth is $47 Billion. In lieu of that he embarked on his own journey which began with him attending Stanford University. As he stated to us, he didn't feel a purpose there until he met a musician and the rest was history. He ultimately dropped out of college and moved to San Francisco to pursue his hidden musical talents. During the reception period upon getting my book signed, I explained to him my future goals and being a student at Clark Atlanta University studying Social Work. Afterwhile I managed to get his email address to stay in contact about things dealing with philanthropy and advocacy projects.

What I got out of this experience reinforces a quote that sounds cliche but is apparently true, "If you chase what you love, then the money will follow." The problem is many of us are unsure of what gives us fulfillment chiefly because we don't know who we are, much less our talents; forget about the unlimited potential that's embedded inside of us. So needless to say find out who you are and that will set the platform for discovering your talents, passions and true desires.

My Attendance at the Sweet Auburn Heritage Festival 2010

2010-10-11T12:56:00.001-07:00

(Me with Atlanta Mayor Kashim Reed)

(Me with R&B singer Faith Evans)

This was my first time ever attending the annual Sweet Auburn Heritage Festival and I must say that I had a good time. It felt great to see so many African-Americans having a good time. Where I'm from (Oakland, California) you really don't see black folks come together and have a nice time w/o violence erupting. Anyways, I purchased a few items from vendors which was one of my Kwanzaa goals (support black operated businesses), enjoyed great food and live entertainment from random artists as well as known artists such as Donnell Jones and Faith Evans (pictured above with me.) I most def look forward to going again next year and enjoying the festivities!

I felt priviledged to meet Faith Evans and after the photo told her to keep staying strong. She has been through a considerable amount of drama, pain, and bulls***. Everything from losing her husband Rapper Notorious BIG to having the media rub dirt on her name. Yet through it all she rose above it and is strivin and thrivin! I also had an opportunity to meet Donnell Jones and will be staying connected with his promoter who has already invited me to a bunch of events on VIP status. Lastly, meeting the Mayor of Atlanta Kashim Reed (pictured above with me) was an honor. I really like his push for change, focus on youth and policy implementation.

On a Mission to Find My Family

2010-08-23T13:38:00.000-07:00

Today after contacting the Social Security Office in Savannah, GA I began to feel hopeless. The lady made it appear as if it would be impossible to track my mother's information in spite of the fact that I had her social security number and other supporting documents proving I was her child. You see my mother was adopted in Savannah, GA and took on her adopted mom's last name. Thus it is going to be difficult trying to find my mother's side of the family meaning her brothers, sisters, cousins, etc. because I don't know her original last name. So I will be going down there soon to go to the social security office, hospital where she was born and other vital places.

It is imperative that I find my biological family because I need to know who they are. It sucks that the foster care system did absolutely nada to help me locate them knowing that this would be a critical aspect in my life. I don't even want anything from my family but just to know who they are and to bond with them. Sometimes its painful to see other people able to go visit an aunt, cousin, etc yet I don't really have that. Periodically I wonder if that was God's will for me to not be associated with family. Or was ita test to see how determined I am and to inspire many with the family "search and find" story I will share one day. Whatever the case I am ready and willing to embark on this journey documenting each and every step of the way. Today I shedded tears after getting off the phone with the Social Security office because it hurts that I don't really have a family. At times I feel so alone in the world but God has planted in me a never-give-up mentality. After foster care I faced seemingly insurmountable challenges. I recall being homeless, hungry foster parents seeing me and failing to aid me; yet I just couldn't give up.

When I finally do get a chance to meet my family I won't share what I have been through unless otherwise asked. I just want to embrace them with warm love that I have in my heart for them. I can imagine that this will somewhat be like an Antwone Fisher story.

Reflections On Being Mentored by World Renowned Motivational Speaker Les Brown

2010-06-17T15:42:00.000-07:00

In a recent book entitled, "Meeting Les Brown, Ms. Mamie Brown's Baby Boy"that I was featured in as a contributing author I explained how I was first introduced to the quotes of Les Brown. To make a long story short when I first read his book, "Live your dreams," I was 17 years old and incarcerated inside of the California Youth Authority at O.H. Close Youth Correctional Facility. I was moved by the content of his messege primarily because here was a positive black man one who came out of the foster care system just like me. Fast forward about eight years later I had the pleasure of meeting of him at a breakfast by my other mentor who is one of his platinum speakers and has traveled internationally with Les. When I was formally introduced to him, he stood up from the head of the table and we shook hands. After getting aquainted and later meeting in his hotel suite he gave me his contact information and he told me that he wanted to keep in touch.

I saw him again the following month in Atlanta at the 8th annual FraserNet PowerNetworking Conference. He grabbed me and said, "Brother we going to do big things." It wasn't until recently that I explained to him what I was attempting to do in life and asked for his mentorship. He gladly accepted and is willing to work with my budget for his workshops on public speaking and leadership. I share this story because as a youth in foster care I felt hopeless and none of my foster dad's could really relate to me or feel my pain. There are so many things that Les Brown can relate to me on and I am truly thankful for his significant guidance in my life.

Meeting Pittsburgh Steelers Wide Receiver #86 Hines Ward

2010-06-06T11:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had the priviledge of attending Hines Ward charity event in Forrest Park, Georgia. I have been a HUGE Pittsburgh Steelers fan for roughly 17 years. At the event I was also able to meet Jerome Bettis, Chris Hope, Charlie Batch, Mike Wallace and other Steelers who came to support their fellow teammate Hines Ward. This was a wonderful opportunity and I am excited about the 2010 football season. GO STEELERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My review (and some) of the movie, "Just Wright"

2010-05-28T20:03:00.000-07:00

"I love you......and I know that you love me." Uttered the words of Scott McKnight played by conscious rapper "Common." After a long two weeks of preparing for finals and tending to other obligations I finally broke free and treated myself to this movie. There were a couple of things that I myself could relate to, one major association was the negligence that Scott encountered.

Although I am not a major superstar like he was- thus giving women a different reason from splitting on me; like Scott women also have left me high and dry then attempted to reenter when I began doing great things in my life. In my opinion this is a must see film I say for women because it ignites the hope that there are still black men who can conduct themselves like a contemporary gentleman.

For men it will (well for me at least) permit you to think about the one you are currently dating and take a closer look at her authentic intentions for being with you. This flick reaffirmed that it's essential to not rush and jump into things and truly get to know your partner deep and beyond the familiarization of one another. Like Scott all too often it appears that we as men chase after "the bad one."Ludacris broke down what this entails in his song, "My Chick Bad." To go a step further it chiefly consists of a woman who depicts the Americanized model type that we men seemingly fall head over Timberlands for. I know I was supposed to say head over heels but men don't (Ahem) well most of us don't wear heels. At any rate, what we ought to do is pursue "the good one." In this case, Scott's Physical Therapist Leslie Wright played by Queen Latifah wasn't the most glamourous of em but she exhibited more emotional support and authenticity that his ex fiancee failed to do.

Furthermore, she was more concerned about his fame/fortune whereas Leslie was in tune with his mental capacity and dreams. I once heard Hill Harper say, "There's nothing more sexy than to have a woman you cna trust with your dreams." Ever since he was a child, Scott dreamed of playing in the NBA and needed to bounce back from the near career ending injury so that he could sustain his place in the NBA. Being cognizant of that Leslie supported him each and every step of the healing process both emotionally and physically.

I give this film two fists up enhanced by the fact that now-a-days not too many films are being generated that show black people in a positive light. So I would be completely remiss if I neglected to give the director and all other associated with this film props for having courage to do this. Although it only produced roughly $8.5 million in sells it's clearly conveyed and inspirational message is priceless!

The Power of Volunteering: creating win-win situations and maximizing the opportunity

2010-01-31T18:43:00.000-08:00

In recent times I was surfing the internet (as always) and I learned of a Martin Luther King Jr. celebration event. In the past I must with shame admit that I have neglected to truly honor this holiday in terms of engaging in activities that reflected the fashion of work that he did for humanity. However, this year I planned to do something in honor of him. At any rate, the ticket for the breakfast event was affordable but however would’ve knocked my established spending budget out of sync. Thus, I began to think, “Wow, if I purchase this ticket then it will inevitably alter my budget that I have established for the month of January so I know there’s got to be a way to get it.” This event is pretty significant as it held at five star hotels and has in the past had speakers such as White House Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.

I searched the website more to see who I knew personally that could, “escort me in.” To no avail did this succeed, so I saw that they had an email and number to call if interested in volunteering for the event. Although this was on a Sunday night I immediately called and left a voicemail and email so that the volunteer coordinator can have it come Monday morning when she gets into the organization. In the email I explained who I was and why I was interested in volunteering. Roughly three days later the volunteer coordinator responded with an email and left her cell phone number. Without hesitation I placed a call to her and the vibe was excellent, before you knew it my volunteer offer was accepted.

Although I will miss the mandatory volunteer training class (due to me still being on vacation in Maryland) she informed me that she’s willing to meet with me individually to go into more depth about the linguistics. I thought to myself, “This is incredible and truly a win-win situation because not only will they get a helping hand but in addition I will get to see all the big wigs who will be attending the event because the breakfast starts at 8:30a.m. and the volunteers have to be there at 6:30a.m. I share this story no to impress you but more so to impress upon you that we don’t always have to reap a monetary benefit when we seek to serve. Sometimes giving time is a benefit within its own effort. Not that I am making this volunteer effort solely about me but I am simply maximizing the opportunity.

It will be a great pleasure to see many African-Americans come together to honor one of the most distinguished gentlemen that this country has ever produced. Not to mention I will also have direct access to some of the communities top officials and the prestigious keynote speaker who will be at the event. My advice is if you want to get to the next elevated phase in your life start volunteering if even just for one hour a day. Just think you have at least one hour that you’re on facebook, texting about a whole bunch of nothing, watching TV, etc. Why not dedicate at least one hour a week or (I’ll be easy on you) once a month to go volunteer with a local association, club, organization, corporation, etc to help you get to where you want to go in life.

This breakfast volunteering will help me step out of my comfort zone, allow me to serve the community, network amongst community leaders, and honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. So c’mon lets get out and create those win-win situations some are staring you smack dab right in the face and some you will have to get out and seek if, that is if you are passionate about your pursuits. Do you ever wonder why that other person got the job or promotion and you didn’t? Perhaps while you were twirling your thumbs or chasing after that man or women you like they were probably voluntarily job shadowing the CEO of that company and building rapport so when the opportunity presented itself they were in position to get it (positioning ourselves for achievement is a whole another piece in which I will cover at a later date.)

If you aspire to be a doctor go volunteer at a local hospital or clinic, aspire to be a writer join and volunteer at a writing association, aspire to be a businessman go volunteer at a corporation; or whatever you choose to do volunteer in that field. By all means no not wait until tomorrow for it may never come and yesterday is history so don’t get overwhelmed about what you didn’t do. What you have is precious………right here and right now this moment and volunteer opportunity, MAXIMIZE IT! Peace and Blessings.

Happy Mother’s Day Sheila M. Scales (R.I.P.)

2009-05-09T12:48:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, I want to take advantage of this special opportunity and say Happy Mother’s day. God brought you to this earth on January 6, 1953 in the beautiful city of Savannah, Georgia. I know that life was not always easy for you and grandma gave you up for adoption at such an early age. In my opinion you will forever recognized as a conqueror because of your courage as a woman, although you’re physically away from me I draw from your strength on a daily basis. There are several documents that I have reviewed that focused solely on the negative aspects of your life, the drug addiction, bipolar disorder, and medication you were placed on. In addition, I am aware that my father (Edward E. Dora-R.I.P.) did not want you to keep me while I was in my embryonic stage and constantly claimed that you didn’t have the ability to care for me. However, your faith and strength of will permitted you to carry me for nine months and bring me into this world. Dad chose to step out and therefore left you to raise my sister Patrice and me all by yourself. Like 2pac inquired of his mother in his song, Dear Mama – “A poor single mother on welfare tell me how you did it.” To take it a step further, how did you do it mother? How did you not get an abortion when I was inside of you and you had no money and support? How did you spend time with us and expose Patrice and myself to the power of making wishes?” Yes, I remember those times we would go to the ocean in San Francisco and throw coins into the water to make wishes.

We were only acquainted for a short while before San Francisco County Social Services intervened and removed me from your care at age 2 ½ and placed me in the foster care system. Most mothers would have given up but you stayed in the fight and before you knew it some years later we were reunited. It was always a pleasure visiting you at the drug rehabilitation facility that you were at in San Francisco. Out of the seven days given to us in a one week period that one day (which was always Saturday) was the most fulfilling. My sister Patrice and I would catch the bus over to where you were and once there, we’d be buzzed in. You would always embraced us with a warm hug and welcoming smile, we always arrived your facility’s lunch time and we would always enjoy lunch with you. If my memory serves me correctly, you always satisfied my sweet tooth by giving me your dessert.

On March 31, 1989 God took you away from this earth so that he could really begin to work on strengthening and developing me into the man that I have manifested into today. When we arrived at Mt. Zion Hospital I was disallowed to accompany my sister and the social workers into the room where you were lying, however, as I looked from a distance I saw you lying so peacefully, removed from all of your pain and finally at rest. Mother I thank you for giving me the chance of life and doing all that you could do while you were unhealthy. So many children who are removed from the care of their parents rarely reconnect and they just let the system have their way with the child. It is highly commendable that you made the decision to enter a drug addiction program, do all you can to get yourself cleaned up and attempt to live a more meaningful life. I admire you so much for loving me from a distance and also periodically calling to check up on me from your facility placement.

We are both testaments that prove no matter what people say God has the ultimate plan and his plans hold the most weight. A fine case in point, you exploded the popular belief that foster children suffer from no one loving them, but when I was in foster care you still loved me and reminded me of that each and every visit that we had. I’m led to believe by you passing away and me dealing with the injustice of the child welfare system it was for a divine purpose. It has ignited my passion and recent acceptance into Clark Atlanta University Bachelor of Social Work program. My foster care Social Workers predicted that I would be dead at 21 yet here I am alive and well at age 26 and on a sincere mission to continue advocating on behalf of foster/adopted youth. How is that? Well according to scripture the Lord said in Psalm 27:10 “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” It didn’t say the foster care system or social workers will receive me. It said the LORD who is all knowing and all purposeful will receive me!

I have graciously embraced God’s calling for my life and am walking towards the path of opportunities that he has laid for me. Later in life I am determined to establish drug rehab facilities all over this nation entitled, Sheila M. Scales Facility. It will house women and mothers who have made covenants to get clean and sober. I anticipate on starting the first two in Savannah, GA and San Francisco, CA. Among several things that I envision for this project there will be a particular focus for drug - addicted mothers who lost their children to the foster care system. Furthermore, there will be a partnership established with the child welfare agency to ensure that the child leaves foster care and be reunited with his/her rehabilitated mother who completes her committed stay at the facility. I am honored to accept this indelible calling and open these facilities in honor of your name. Many people have attempted to discourage me by saying things along the lines of, “It will cost you this and that amount of money and you should focus your energies on something else.” But due to the strength that I draw from you, like the Clark Atlanta University motto reads, “I’ll find a way or make one.”

Mother once again thanks for all that you have done in the years that you were here and we will be joined up one sweet day. It was only right that at your funeral the famous song by Bette Midler, “Wind Beneath My Wings,” was played. There are many questions that I would have liked to ask you but the most important is, “Did you ever know that you’re my hero?” I love you and may you continue to rest in peace. Happy Mother’s Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What Foster Care Month Means To Me

2009-05-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

The month of May marks a very interesting time within the 12 month calendar period. Among several other things it is a month to generate awareness and support on behalf of the 500,000 (plus) youth in the foster care system. I am thankful (even though it is just a month) for this because so many nationally based foster care advocates and constituents partake in an array of foster care related events. For illustration, each year the San Francisco based nonprofit organization Honoring Emancipated Youth (HEY) holds a foster youth Connections Breakfast. This presents the opportunity to hear the successes of HEY’s honored community partnerships and also network with many others within the realm of foster care service. Aside from HEY, all across the nation an array of other organizations conduct celebratory and advocacy events.

As a former foster child this month means a lot to me because as a child in the system I felt a gigantic disconnect from my community and even many foster parents that I had. Moreover, I never heard of any foster care associated festivities that would aid me in the acceptance of being a foster kid. For many years, I was ashamed and (including in my adult life) disallowed wanting to face the harsh reality that I was really an orphan chiefly because of infamously frivolous tags that are relative to being a foster child some of which are as follows:

1. An unworthy child
2. A child with a hell-of-a lot of problems
3. A child who I can get money off of

It saddens me that we can be placed in those types of categories and foster children need to understand that it in not their fault that they were born into unfortunate conditions. They are still the children of the most high and during this month it truly needs to be reemphasized that they deserve the best equivalent to any other child. I am dedicated to raising this awareness and giving kids a sense of belonging so that they will not feel so ashamed of being a foster kid. This is a time where we need to tap our celebrity foster care/adoption alumni and encourage them to share their testimony with the kids now coming through the system. Let's administer a partial segment of President Barack Obama’s quote and say, “Hope we can believe in……for the 500,000(plus) foster kids.” Giving these kids hope will ignite their passion for self-discovery and catapult them to accept of who they intrinsically are. To go a step further, it will enable them to locate into their unlimited potential, accomplish things and dismantle the negative thoughts that submerge some of their minds; based on prejudgements.

This will be no easy task my friends but we have to start somewhere and what better time than to start now here in this month of May. In addition to it being hard work it is simultaneously heart work and once the two become in alignment our movement will be very productive.

I was inspired to write this piece upon reviewing the newly released book by Author/MFT/Foster Care Advocate, Ms. Evelyn Polk, “It’s Heart Work: Being The Village That Raises A Child.” For purchase of this book be sure to visit www.forachildsheart.org

Men don't think too hard: Brief complexities of a woman

2009-03-29T13:44:00.000-07:00

Destiny was surfing her Myspace page one evening and glanced on her friend Ebony’s page. For the past month Ebony and her man Murrell have been slightly distant. They’ve been experiencing a hardship in communication and the continuation of their four year relationship has been questionable. With some truth coupled with sarcasm I must say anytime a relationship is questionable there’s a good chance that a woman had a hand in it. Whether it’s the case of her overreacting to a situation, having too many three legged “friends,” or the biggest one of all which is uncertainty of what she wants. At any rate, Destiny noticed that there were several comments throughout Ebony’s page that were from someone Ebony once had as a “special friend.” Destiny sent an instant message from her cell phone to Ebony asking, “What is going on?”Seconds later Ebony called and admitted, “I don’t know……….” Destiny couldn’t help but to follow up and ask, “Are you done with Murrell?” After brief hesitation Ebony blurted out, “I mean he’s busy and I have needs.” In the tone of a motherly figure Destiny calmly said to Ebony, “You are trippin’ you have a good man who possesses a futuristic outlook and therefore working like a slave to provide a good future for both of you’ll. That’s rare that you’ll find that now-a-days!” Feeling slight guilty Ebony replied, “D, I know but I just want to do me……. but then have him too.” How many can attest that there are over a million -plus women like Ebony in the world? If her ways don’t convince you that women can be complex let’s take a look at Jo.

Jo is a beautiful and talented woman who measures up to the standards that her boyfriend Darryl has for his ideal type of woman. Aside from being talented and beautiful she is trustworthy, (brutally) honest, goal driven, polite……but is (drumroll please) complex. Darryl has even confessed that he would rather do a maze in 110 degree burning hot weather than even attempt to figure her out. If you think completing ten calculus mathematical problems along with two essays within a two hour period is challenging just imagine being in a relationship with Jo. LOL, Ok I may have put the two on the ten on the last one but you catch my drift. So why are women so complex? Or is it just a figment of my imagination? One of the biggest complexities that I have faced with women is them not knowing what they want. For illustration, I have dated several women who claim to want a good man and one who will respect them and not only pursue what’s between her legs. So I would be vibing and connecting with her and just out of nowhere she would start going M.I.A., then when I stopped calling or texting it would be an issue, she would have all these male “friends” and things like that. All in all, I would be lost and confused. Now when my boy Darryl initially met Jo she was (more or less) on some hard to get type of stuff. He pursued her but kind of did too much and his attempt to play Casanova and Shakespere with lines or “game” was rejected at the door by Jo. So Darry decided to just be real about everything minus the sweet talks and text messages. Jo then became more receptive to him but yet still holds back alot that could potentially disallow their relationship to eveolve. I mean afterall he does need to know what he is getting himself into. Darryl tends to be a little standoffish in his dealing with Jo because he picks up the vibe that her mind and demeanor can change like the weather. Collectively, this is a new situation for Darryl and Jo and only time will tell or better yet if she can explode the myth that women aren't all that complex as they seem……………..

What was that a sign of?

2009-03-29T12:07:00.000-07:00

It was a promising bright and sunny day in downtown Atlanta, Georgia free from clouds as an indication of potentially rainy weather. My friend Shawn invited me to have lunch with him and initially suggested a place that served pretty good poultry based foods until I notified him of my “no meat” consumption fast. I must point out that the way he described the food, if I wasn’t fasting we would’ve definitely gone to that spot. Nonetheless, we opted to attend another eatery that was in alignment with my dietary fast. Once we settled in and engaged in talk about writing and the opportunities that are in Georgia among several other things. I would say about thirty minutes into our lunch in walks a total of four girls and as the other three passed by us completely mute the fourth girl acknowledged Shawn and they embraced. Her face was very familiar to me but I couldn’t match the face with the name as instantaneously as she did. When she and I caught eyes she said, “Highland” I gave a short chuckle and said. “Oh yea you’re Lynn.” Ok let allow me to reintroduce Lynn. She and I chatted via face book for the previous few weeks strictly about our joint member with the Atlanta Association of Black Journalists. In addition we are both from California and one night after I was bummed about missing Cali I contacted her on face book and expressed my uncomfortability about being in unfamiliar territory and she gave me pointers about people, places and things that I could check out. The first time we chatted on face book I gave her a background on me and let her know I was born in Oakland, CA (Highland Hospital.)Since then she referred to me as “Highland” oh know what a weirdo huh? LOL. At any rate, there was no further dialogue between us and she went over to be with her friends as Shawn and I finished up our lunch. I have to be honest I did take a glance as she walked away and I thought to myself hmmmm (brothas you know what I’m talking about) “I want to holla at her!” I stated to Shawn he replied “Go for it.” Lacking confidence I said, “Nah I’m good” and strengthened it by assuming that she was either in a relationship or involved with someone. We left it at that and eventually left……….

About an hour and some change later while going through my blackberry and checking face book Lynn sends a message. To my surprise (well even though I get it quite often from the ladies) it read, “You’ve very handsome.” Now, I acted like an expert to dissect this message. Ok, I want to talk to her but she may already be involved. Well is she was involved why would she send me a message just out the blue? Well she does come off friendly so perhaps she’s just trying to be nice. No but a woman who is involved would respect…..wait wait this isn’t the 60’s anymore so scratch that especially since many women are claiming to now have adopted (placed in nice terms) a “guy’s mentality.” I only wish I had Anthony Anderson to consult with one this one. Anthony aided Keith (played by Morris Chestnut) on the movie Two Can Play That Game about certain actions that women project. Perhaps Ms. Cleo would have been better suited to assist me. Leaning on a more logical thought I responded and put it out to her that I was interested. To me the whole thing was a trip because I was slightly interested in her before while chatting on face book but discarded the interested due to the fact that I was new in town and wanted to enjoy the 8-1 single woman to single man ratio that Atlanta offered. That day that Lynn and I met still trips me out because had Shawn and I chose to go somewhere else I probably wouldn’t have met her. Yet she shows up on the exact day and within the same time period as us. Out of all the other food joints she and her friends come to the same restaurant as us. Still to this day that I communicate with Lynn the question remains, “What was that a sign of?”

Black Urban Youth: What’s really going on with male youth?

2009-02-28T13:26:00.000-08:00

Often times when you enter the black urban community you will stumble upon things that are in stark contrast to where predominantly Caucasian folks reside. You’re bound to witness the following: cliques of three or more with pants sagging, trash throughout the streets and cars blaring music that bears dehumanizing lyrics that are geared towards women. Growing up in this type of environment becomes extremely challenging for a black youth to “make it.” We simply cannot view the youth as uncontrollable human beings without taking a look at media influence, parental guidance and society as a whole. Everywhere you look sex, coveting of money, exploitation and promoting negativity submerges our TV’s and radio stations. Government, even in this case is not liberated at all. In fact, in the height of the 1960’s there were many Government CIA informants hiding within the gangs and certain organizations pretending to be Bloods, Church members, Crips, Vice-Lords, Gangster Disciples, and even Black Panthers. They would be going along with the flow but yet would be reporting back to the CIA. So for those so-called black leaders who are spending years working on initiatives to implement for youth and taking the Uncle Tom approach; the chances of it being effective to the true satisfaction of youth development are slim. I say taking the Uncle Tom approach because Uncle Tom sought the approval of whites. Many of our black leaders (or so called) are waiting on the approval from whites to provide programs that will positively engage our black youth. Why? Is it because we believe this is the way to get things done? Perhaps if we stand up the slave master’s child he/she will take what we have? I think it is proper and right to admit that government is not on our side. Hell they will kill one or even thousands of their own just to have a reason to come and lock you up and/or kill you. So many people have given up on youth and think there’s no hope for this generation. It is possible to curb the issues that our black youth face, however, we must first start with identifying the issues (beyond the surface and without sugarcoating) that plaque the communities. Then there needs to be highly trained mentors and case managers that work with these youth. I believe that with all the church money that circulates within the congregation, local charity organizations, etc. we can combine our currency and put it to use for something that’s youth friendly and effective. According to various reports, it is predicted that the U.S. dollar is going to collapse so major corporations and other wealthy individuals may as well put it to use now. While we are waiting on the response from government and a “benevolent white man,” to fulfill our desperate needs, black youth are dropping like flies. Moreover, when US currency flops, little do most know but the government is going down behind it. Those who have more faith and a sense of security in money versus God and the youth of today will be left behind.

The youth are the future and if guided in the right direction they can tap into their unlimited potential that lies within their being. Uh oh, but that’s not being “cool.” It’s not socially acceptable to be a young black man and not speak slang language and actually wear your pants on your waist. To be a youth it’s not cool to say that you’re captain on the debate team versus captain of the football team or even in most cases the “man on the block that’s getting it.” This is because of what media exhibits. My previous illustrations were confirmed when Actor/ Author/ Role Model Hill Harper came to Morehouse College and spoke to us. I applauded his statement when he acknowledged that he is part of an industry that portrays false images and beliefs. I will paraphrase him by saying, “I was backstage with P.Diddy at the NAACP awards a few nights ago and I asked him, hey why don’t you don’t consistently tell how you started out at Howard University and took an unpaid internship at Uptown Records?” According to Hill his reply was, “Because that’s not what people around me want to hear.” Most entertainers will not tell you that, the most that they will say is, “Its hard work!” “There’s good money in it!” Yet they neglect to say that only a selected few make it and stay in the game much less elaborate on the amount of sacrifice you have to put in. Unfortunately, we think that our only ticket out of poverty is through the entertainment industry. Now for black urban youth this seems to be true enhanced by the fact that their mind isn’t instilled with other concepts of success. More than likely dad isn’t in the house and mom is too busy at work so now the media becomes his strongest influence. Mommy may try to give the guidance and support but can only do so much because he is a male and she can’t relate to the struggle that a young male would and in the same instance. So when he sees a cat like 50 cent who grew up in a single family household, around drugs, and started rapping and is now worth millions; without an inkling of doubt he now wants to become a rapper. You know I’m not lying. Sista’s how many dudes have you dated and they are trying to be a rapper? Brotha’s how many dudes have you ran into in the street and they say “Bruh check out my promo CD?” There is nothing wrong with being a rapper or having aspirations to be one but have the right intentions and a solidified backup plan. So now when music doesn’t work out what do most youth with limited education do, stick to street life. The get involved with gangs and “get fronted” some weed to sell. They start making some money selling weed and the dollar bill becomes their perception of success. Now they step their game up and began slinging crack cocaine, selling death to the community. He now has to watch out for the police, dope fiends who may rob him or even other folk that may rob him out of envy. All in all, his success is defined by having large amounts of pieces of paper with a white man’s face on it. There is nothing wrong with fine/material things but to kill, steal, deceive and destroy to get it that’s a major issue. We are all cognizant of the fact that this is not the way but the question remains, who will step up and coach our youth to another way?

A True Stelers Fan!

2009-02-05T12:50:00.000-08:00

Well I was a day late in posting this blog but definitely not a dollar short in the Pittsburgh Steelers super bowl victory over the Arizona Cardinals. Yes some people were ignorant to bet against me and my Pittsburgh Steelers. If anything the Cardinals were a dollar short because they definitely needed to buy some more defensive game. Ok I won’t be so harsh. They gave us a good one and even better than the Seattle Seahawks did in a previous Super Bowl. The second half of this game was very intense especially when they had us on our own two yard line. Did I lose faith? Truthfully speaking …..NO WAY, but I was slightly concerned to say the least. I have been a fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers for 15 years – since 1991 (dang I’m getting old.)I’m sure you’ll remember growing up and all the neighborhood kids had their favorite sport teams and players they would emulate in pick up football games. Or even spend allowance money to go buy the latest jersey, shirt or whatever in strong representation of their team. Well, my friends and relatives had their favorites so typically I was the type who liked the team the won a lot of games. Never could I forget that day. It was in Vacaville at my God mother’s house and I was lounging around the house and NFL Films came on HBO. They showed 1991 highlights of this black and gold team and I saw the intensity of how hard the defense was hitting. In addition, the coach seemed very belligerent and simultaneously jovial. My nine year old brain couldn’t reckon the question “Is this coach bipolar or something, he yells at and then joke with the players.” But all I could come up with was he’s a good coach. I learned that the team was the Pittsburgh Steelers who was at that time coached by Bill Cowher. A throwback joke that would fit Bill would be “I want to hear the news not feel the weather.” I say that because Bill was known to inadvertently spit in his players face when chewing them out. My decision was solidified to really like this team when I saw how Rod Woodson, Greg Lloyd and D.J. Williams hit the offensive players in the highlight reel. I couldn’t wait to tell people that I found a new team to follow and what really made it special was that no one else in my circle liked them. In those years the popular teams to obtain a liking were Buffalo Bills, New York Giants, Dallas Cowboys, and San Francisco 49ers. As time progressed I began recording many of the games that the Steelers would play. Through all the trades of players and new player acquisitions I have always stuck with the Steelers. Around the season of 1995-1996 it was a bittersweet moment because up until that point I was following the career of Rod Woodson and he ended up getting traded to the San Francisco 49ers. However, the Steelers got a QB named Kordell Stewart aka “Slash.” Kordell played many positions outside of his primary which is why he took on the name “Slash.” At times you would seem him lined up as QB then in some plays a running back, after the team drove 15 yards you wondered who made the catch and sure enough it was “Slash” who was lined up as a wide receiver. I recall when the Steelers lost the Super Bowl in 1996 to the Dallas Cowboys and friends knew better than to ask me if I would bail out on them but I did get poked fun at. I didn’t personalize it too much because as the seasons went on Bill Cowher got in his players a** like a G-string and they continued to perform well. Granted we did lose some Divisional Playoff games to teams like the New England Patriots. Yes I also remember that game, within the first two minutes of the game Patriots QB drew Bledsoe bounced back and threw a long bomb to wide receiver Terry Glenn for a 60 some odd yard touchdown. Our toughest team was always the Denver Broncos especially when they had that nutcase linebacker Bill Romanowski. He really added fuel to my fire when the Broncos were already beating my team and Romanowski came up to Kordell and started taunting him as a result of a bad pass. Season after season we fell short of the glory until the 2005 season. My faith was tested again when we were at the AFC championships against the Indianapolis Colts. Pittsburgh running back Jerome Bettis fumbled the football in the red zone and a Colts defender picked. With no one around him I just knew that he would take it to the house, but hold up wait a minute QB lucky number seven, Big Ben Roethesberger saved the day and tackled him almost midfield at the 48 yard line. After we held them on three and out they were forced to punt and we regained control of the ball. To make a semi long story short just know that we won hat game which allowed us to advance to the next round and stomp the Broncos in the AFC Championship game. Needless to say we went to the super bowl to play against the Seattle Seahawks. This super bowl party was interesting because here I met (who would later become a friend of mine) Leon Powe who was soon to enter the NBA draft and play with the Boston Celtics. We watched the game at his former foster parent’s home while enjoying the delicious tacos and burritos that were prepared for us. Aside from that guess what? Pittsburgh won and wide receiver Hines Ward was the MVP. I know that running back Jerome Bettis couldn’t find a more impeccable time to retire from the NFL and he did so in his hometown where the super bowl was played; Detroit, Michigan. Shortly after head Coach Bill cowher would retire and Mike Tomlin would come in as the first and youngest black coach of the organization. Whenever I think of the Pittsburgh Steelers 1997 team documentary whose storyline and theme was “Never Give Up!” I am succumbed to believe that this is a team that literally never gives up, and no matter what happens, who gets traded, etc. as a favorite fan of them I will “Never Give Up!”

Realizing My Ancestors' Dreams: The story of a first-time voter

2009-02-04T15:44:00.000-08:00

Commentary, Jacquinn Scales,YO! Youth Outlook Multimedia, Dec 04, 2008

Editor's Note: Young people across the nation are still rejoicing in last Tuesday's election results and remembering their historic moment. Jacquinn Scales is a regular participant in the California Council for Youth Relations, which seeks to engage young people in discussions and action surrounding policy matters that affect them. Jacquinn shared his account of voting for the first time at CCYR's weekly forum following the 2008 presidential election.

This fall was very eventful for me. Not only did I turn 26, but more importantly, I realized our ancestors’ dream. That dream was to win the right to vote. For months I anticipated registering to vote “today,” but for some reason, that “today” always turned into “I’ll do it tomorrow.” One day I was at a meeting for foster youth. A representative from a political office showed up to present information pertaining to voting and had registration forms handy – this finally broke my cycle of procrastination. After completing the forms in their entirety, they were now ready for submission. Weeks later, I was welcomed by a large quantity of mail when I went to check my P.O. box. The forms that I received were information about California’s many 2008 propositions, coupled with the location where I was expected to show up and vote. In preparation for this historic event, I found myself watching a series of interviews and campaign rallies about both presidential candidates. Finally, before my Sociology class on November 4, I made my way to the voting site. As I left my house and came in contact with the chilly Bay Area weather, I strolled to my polling place just about three blocks away. I passed by many people with dull, gloomy facial expressions. Witnessing this, I was almost forced to raise the question, “Are you aware of what’s going to happen today?” I made it to my voting place and whipped out my camera to take a picture of a sign pointing an arrow as an indicator that voters were to go in that direction. Shortly after entering the community center I was politely greeted by an elderly Chinese gentleman who attempted to give me instructions on where to sign in and get settled. “You here,” the man said. I thought to myself, “Huh?” He said it three more times, until I asked, “What are you saying?” As I looked around, other voter helpers looked helpless and I tried desperately to make out what this man was saying. We engaged in verbal ping-pong, which quickly ended when another man emerged from the back and I told him I was here to vote. At last I was confirmed as a registered voter and was given my ballot. “Oh my goodness,” I thought, “look at all these political choices.” Of the many names on the ballot, I was only able to make out a few: chiefly the names mentioned frequently on TV. “Okay,” I thought again, “I am aware of Nancy Pelosi, David Chu, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin--but who the hell are these other folks?”I inevitably wanted the Obama-Biden campaign to reign victory over the McCain-Palin campaign. Not only did I feel inclined to vote for Obama due to our ethnic similarity, but more importantly, my profound belief in his ability to (in some regards) improve and rejuvenate things within our nation earned my vote. Whenever I saw Obama on TV he appeared confident and well-spoken, a direct reflection of his education as a Harvard University student. I would also like to give props to his running mate Biden - also known as the other Joe the Plumber - a name John McCain and Sarah Palin often made comical statements towards. Joe Biden the Plumber performed a great job in tightening up Obama’s campaign and ensuring a clear flush of the shit from McCain and Palin. I primarily enjoyed listening to Joe’s proposals to provide tax relief for small businesses and start-ups. This was especially sweet-sounding to me because I recently started my own newsletter business. When I began to mark my ballot in favor of my favorite candidate I paused and silently said, “God is good.” For those that lack historical knowledge – we didn’t always have the right to vote. In 1965, all blacks were able to vote thanks to the tireless efforts of civil rights leaders like Jesse Jackson and Martin Luther King, who placed pressure upon President Lyndon B. Johnson to sign the Voting Rights Act. When I completed my ballot, I ignored the traditional rules of being forbidden from taking photos inside the poll locations. Since it was a small building and not too many people were around, once I noticed that I was all alone I seized the opportunity. I submitted all my documents and asked the Chinese poll worker to take a picture of me at my voting poll. After kindly thanking him for his consideration of this historical day, I departed with overwhelming feelings about not only the decision for tonight but the decision of 2008 and the ensuing years. To ease my thoughts and emotions, I told myself that I had done my part and now the rest is up to God and other registered voters. Well, our prayers, voices and votes were heard, because at roughly 8:03 p.m. it was declared that Barack Obama was our new President. So, all I can do is put this as tactfully as possible: Mr. Bush you don’t have to necessarily go back to Texas, fight over oil again, or go read to little children but you do have to get the hell out of the White House. Why? Well, simply because, “It’s time for change!”

A Visit To The Man That I Never Knew

2009-02-04T12:24:00.000-08:00

“Thank you for calling Green Lawn Memorial, this is Jill,” the receptionist stated in a very chipper tone. “Yes, my (hard swallow) father passed away about 18 years ago and I am trying to come and visit him at the cemetery.” After short dialogue between this lady and myself and her confirming his burial plot I began to make my way to the city where he was at. I was living in San Francisco and his burial location was in Colma which is you drive it’s about fifteen minutes but riding BART would only be about 6 stops and was very close. My bad you’ll let me introduce the situation, this dude, ok I’ll be nice my “dad” left my mother when I was a child. I never met him let alone got accustomed to calling him dad and the only time that I saw this man was while he was lying peacefully in his casket. Yes, indeed while he got to leave this earth peacefully (because he passed away in his sleep,) the ramifications that it had on me would be undeniably challenging because his death made me an orphan. This would only contribute to my stress as my life progressed because kids would tease me about not having my real parents. Ironically my mother passed away one year before him when I was six years old. Now back to my trip to Colma – Green Lawn Memorial. I arrived in Colma upon exiting the Bart station and was greeted by the crisp chilly wind. Thoughts began to battle in my mind that almost made me turn around and just leave, but I told myself that two wrongs don’t make a right. There were times that my father could have seen me when it was nice and warm and he didn’t. He preferred to stay drunk as a skunk all the time but still managed to care for my older sister and not me (but then again we had different mothers. Yes poppa felt the need to plants seeds in other places.) In spite of how much I went back and forth in my mind I was disallowed to leave because I desperately needed to bring closure to my frustration towards him; and going to his gravesite would have presented the opportunity to fulfill that intention. As I strolled a block from the BART station and to the site, a lady stood at the front entrance gate and asked me if I was Jacquinn; I corroborated her inquiry and she introduced herself as Jill. I witnessed her identical chipper vibe as I did on the phone and after engaging in small talk we made our way to the plot. His plot was at quite a distance from the entrance of the cemetery so we drove a few yards away. We stepped on the grass and my immediate thought was,” Oh man not only is it cold out here but this grass is extremely wet and my kicks are getting covered with loose grass.” Accompanied thoughts circled my mind wondering if I would just burst into tears when I saw his tombstone. But then again I conceived the fact of the matter which was that I didn’t even cry at this dude’s funeral so why would I do it now. However, I was only seven and things were a bit incomprehensible - to say the least. Over the years I have had a lot of time to come to the realization of his death. Since then I have learned to accept the reality, the impact, and in an unselfish concept; God’s plan for it. Finally, we reached his plot and Jill dusted off the dirt that covered a large portion of his identity. My eyes widened as the tomb revealed the name Edward E. Dora and I literally stated, “Wow” not only was I shocked to at last be visiting him but there was not a single flower that was placed near him. “Would you like a picture of it?” She calmly asked. I shot back with, “Yea I would…..thanks.” She captured the plot for my fond memory of daddy so that I could have yet another picture of this stranger to add to my collection. In respect for our alone time she reminded me to stop by the office to get my picture and made her way to the cemetery office. Without a well prepared speech I just blurted the first thing that came to mind, “So here you are eh?” I know this may trip you out but I felt his presence as I stood over his site. Moments passed and I envisioned him as if he was down in the dirt like in a victim/attacker situation, where the victim would be pinned up against the wall. When I was younger I often wondered the relevance of people standing over gravesites talking, now it all made sense to me. “Why?” I asked as if I was waiting on a response. “Why did you just leave mom?” I began to recollect the painful memories of foster care; the times I was molested, the times that I was moved from placement to placement, the times that I was beat. Tears formulated in my eyes and nothing came out until I said, “I needed you man. I needed you to let me know that things would be ok. You allowed them to take me away and I was placed around too many coward ass foster dads who failed to stand up for me!” Actually there was one dad who I will always love and he was more than a foster dad to me. Robert Paige along with his wife Marie was like no other! He was the type of dad that exhibited “tough love.” He would tear my behind up with that nice leather belt but yet encourage me to always be the best that I could be. Out of the many foster homes that I was in his home was the BEST. He would each and everyday ask me how my day was and what I learned in school. Wake me up to go to school and have breakfast prepared for me and my foster brothers but we couldn’t enjoy his gourmet meals without having first washed our face and brushed our teeth. Both of my fathers were from the South, Robert was from Zazoo City, Mississippi and Edward was from Brookville, Mississippi. That is the only similarity that they had because their love for me was obviously much different. I continued, “It’s a shame that I had to go through all of that but it could have been much worse man, I’ve learned some valuable lessons.” It wasn’t long before I went on to say, “You know what, I forgive you! I can no longer carry around this baggage; what’s done can’t be undone.” Truthfully speaking, as soon as I said that I forgave him and slowly discarded my anger towards him, I felt his spirit speaking to me. The spirit addressed me as “Son” and as I started paying close attention, I was informed to never be like how he was. In addition, I had been stressing lately and the spirit told me that I needed to cease consuming so much alcohol like I had the previous few weeks while at the nightclubs. The spirit literally said, “You stop that drinking so that you won’t end up like this, and you go on ahead and you change that foster care system because they need you. I’m gone and can’t do anything.” The harsh reality served as a motivating reinforcement. It had to be my dad’s spirit talking to me because his tone was conveyed just like a southern country man-according to family members he had a very heavy southern accent. In that instant, I was relieved because not only did I vent out my feelings with pops but more so my life calling was strengthened to me. After shedding more tears of relief I left my dad with a copy of my newsletter publication that I started for foster/adopted youth. Lastly, I kissed his grave and in silent tone whispered, “Like I said I forgive you dad. I love you man and I’ll be back to see you soon.” To keep the connection with my dad I have vowed to sustain the proper upkeep of his gravesite (providing that my schedule allows) I will visit Colma, California and place fresh flowers with each visit to Green Lawn Memorial. Rest in Peace Edward E. Dora………………………………………….Dad.

Shorty Wants A Thug: But WHY?

2009-02-04T12:10:00.000-08:00

People could respond like Ike Turner and beat the hell out of this topic revolving around why women choose thugs. I tend to take a neutral stance when it comes to this because there’s a plethora of justifiable reasons but then there’s some that are relatively unfathomable. However, I am most frequently eager to hear the conversations that go on pertaining to this. Sometimes I only wish to be a fly on the wall in a hair salon to eavesdrop on the dialogue between women. Among several other places, we all know about the infamous hair shops and how much is said in there. You’re almost certain to hear everything “gossip - wise” pertaining to men. I’m assuming that you will hear about how Marquis put it down Mandingo Warrior style in the bedroom last night, how Tameka is “trying” to practice celibacy yet her kitty is purring and some old flames have been texting her lately (you’ll know what I’m talking about.) Lastly, we can’t forget to listen to Patrice babble about her 38 year old boyfriend who has yet to secure a job and has used up the last bit of gas in the car to go visit his parole officer. Most women (largely of the younger generation) prefer thugs, but rarely will you hear the explanation of why most are willing to endure some of the stress that is closely associated with being involved with a thug. One thing that I’m interested in, is locating the deep reasoning behind why women choose thugs; the most intriguing part is that answers will vary. Now, from what I have taken away following conversations with just a few women, it appears that a lot of them want to be involved with someone of a rough nature. One the surface some responses of why are:

· “I want a dude that will boss up and everybody knows that thugs do that.”
· “I prefer a man that’s a lil rough around the edges.”
· “I don’t want a jail bird type thug but I don’t want a punk either.”
· “He can’t be abusive, but I need a dude that’s gonna put me in my place. Like if I’m outta pocket about something I need a man to tell me to sit my ass down or something.”
· “I don’t like squares.”
· “Thugs protect you.”
· “I like the rush and excitement that it brings.”
· “A thug will call me a bitch if I’m acting like one and I square won’t. I will accept a man calling me a bitch if I’m acting like one.”
· “I like the image and swag.”

Let me reiterate that at this point I am not attached and refrain from saying women are right or wrong about this. Please scratch the surface in your response. Yes we all know (even though some will contest) that a thug protects you but what makes you think that? Especially because people have seen “hardcore thugs” start fights and then get knocked the f*** out! There are many women who have something to say and would love to hear your thoughts on WHY you may have at one point wanted a thug, or still do. Holla.

Negligence Of The Foster Care System

2009-02-04T11:16:00.000-08:00

I am a big fan of oldies music however, in lieu of thinking about the essence of love that this song in particular illustrates; I am instantly mentally diverted into thinking about foster care. To go a step further Freda Payne’s, “Band of Gold,” in which part of verse one starts off as, “You took me from the shelter of the mother I have never known,” foster care submerges my mind. Allow me to elaborate, I was taken from my mother at age two and placed in foster care-(You took me) my father along with several other family members wanted me aborted because they say my mother could barely take care of my sister; yet she was determined to have me because she loved me and wanted to protect me (from the shelter.) According to my recollection I didn’t see my mother again until age five. My sister and I spent occasional weekends visiting with her at a drug rehab facility up until she passed away when I was six years old-we barely got a chance to be acquainted (of the mother I have never known.) If someone were to ascertain a question like, “Jacquinn, what qualifies you to write a piece about negligence within the foster care system?” I would initially fall out laughing and immediately bounce back with a serious reply such as, “16 years.” Being removed from the care of my mother at age two and placed in the foster care system was a bittersweet experience. Apparently, I was taken away because of the negligence within the home of my mother Sheila Scales. Mom was a heavy drug addict and (while pregnant with me) smoked crack cocaine, marijuana and consumed large quantities of alcohol. The intent of San Francisco County Child Protective Service – CPS (bless their hearts) was to remove me from a woman who abused all of those toxic drugs, couldn’t properly care from my sister and I was bipolar and labeled as 51/50 status – and was also placed on medication to aid her in coping with her mental dysfunction. Thus, placing me in foster care was the best solution of course because there were no other alternatives. I can just envision how the numerous court proceedings went. With these system folks being cognizant of my mother’s past, she didn’t have a leg to stand on so needless to say the county officials would be my new mother. I’m sure a CPS representative took the stand in court saying all the fucked up shit that he/she could compile against my mother so that they could sweeten up their ulterior motive which is to place another kid in the system so their counterparts can have a job - hey to me its all a numbers game. I am almost tickled pink when it’s concealed as, the conclusion being “In the child’s best interest,” to me that is a very frivolous notion (especially whenever it’s uttered by the child welfare system!) I am persuaded to believe that their representative convinced the judge that foster care would be the best thing and I would get the TLC that a child of my caliber needed from a wonderful foster family. I believe the opposite is true, here try this on for size, I vividly remember my first foster home in which I was about three years old. Mind you this is supposed to be the place where I was supposed to obtain all the love in the whole world and everything would be peaches and cream. I woke up after having a bad dream and made my way into the care takers room to seek comfort. This man picked me up and took me back to my room and from the doorway threw me back into my bed which was about five feet apart. Not so bad right? Wrong! I hit the back of my head on the back wall and began crying. Readers don’t get too misty eyed on me yet because as time progressed believe you me it got much worse but I will preserve that. As I furthered my journey as a foster child and ultimately became an “orphan,” because my dad who I never knew passed away the following year after my mother and the first time of ever seeing him was in his casket at his funeral………WOW as a seven year old I have such fond memories of meeting daddy for the very first time! Now, when I think of the mottos and prissy words that CPS, foster care agencies and others who serve this in this field utilize it is a big crock of shit (pardon me I’m starting to get a little excited.) Let us just take one overall statistic, 70% of the US prison population is comprised of former foster children. That is a sky-rocketed and real chilly percentage. Granted, the prisoners have to be accountable for their actions but in the same breath Social Services also needs to be held accountable. Let’s look into another mind-boggling statistic, foster youth complete 30-40%, whereas the overall graduation rate for high school completion in the nation is at 70% (U.S. department of Education, 2000.) You know, when a youth is in care I am a firm believer that the social worker, foster care agencies, etc. have the greatest influence on that child. If the child is acting up he/she more than likely is crying out for help. I can directly relate this to myself. I went through a total of eleven placements and I acted out belligerently in predominantly all of them. I was angry and I suppressed so much. The pain of losing my parents, getting picked on practically all in my adolescent life, having low self esteem all served as contributors to my often exhibited wild pandemoniums (or in Psychological terms anti-social behavior.) We can safely conclude that my mental capacity was filled with unhealthy thoughts because as we all know that our thoughts give rise to behavior whether good or bad. I say that there is so much negligence in foster care for several reasons. A more seasoned case in point is the situation involving Jasmine Davis, a 15 year old girl that was in the care of Shameeka Davis (Jasmine’s Aunt) which whom she resided with in Antioch, CA – Contra Costa County. For some odd reason Contra Costa County didn’t supervise this child or micro manage her Aunt. This child’s case worker was in San Francisco County which is roughly 45 miles minutes from Antioch. Half of my frustration is if this child already came from a dysfunctional family, then why in the world are you going to place her with a family member and fail to keep close tabs on her being conscious of the susceptibility that potential abuse can occur? I don’t have the foggiest idea of what Social Services was thinking because in all actuality a social worker within the same city will barely come and check up on you – let the church say AMEN. What the hell made these people think that the worker would make sufficient trips 45 miles to monitor this poor child enhanced by the fact that they already carry a caseload of 20-30 kids within their own dam county? According to the autopsy performed by the Contra Costa County coroners office Jasmine suffered from starvation and among several physical abuses like being beaten with belts and ironing cords she was badly burned with hot irons. Furthermore, her caretaker Shameeka received $13,104 a year for Jasmine. She was also given $1,700 a month in housing allowance from Contra Costa County and $9,800 to take care of her mother. I am left to wonder how much of that benefitted Jasmine but I guess it would only sustain itself as a rhetorical concept and only perpetuate my frustration. The issue that officially stamped this as an authentic negligence is the fact that the last visit by the social worker was September of 2007. In addition, the last time that Jasmine attended school was October of 2007. Many media sources have watered down the significance of this story and have yet to follow up on such a newsworthy story like this. My love of all foster human mankind forces me to lionize this situation as a young voice that emerged from abuse in foster care as well. I am sure we all remember the case of Poly Klass, A Caucasian kid who was kidnapped and ultimately murdered by Richard Allen Davis back in 1994. Our TV networks were bombarded for months (even after her confirmed death) with stories about Poly Klass and made headlines across the nation-even a Poly Klass Foundation was established. I am not seeking to give birth to a racial issue but how many programs, foundations, etc. are ever established for abused minority youth; especially given the fact that minorities are harder to find placement for – trust me I know. Consequently, they throw you in a group home and forget about you. I’m not talking about those bullshit organizations that are established just to get tax right offs and are established just to say they they’re for the benefit of foster youth. To be candid, some organizations need to subside because they are so redundant. There needs to be to an organization that conducts itself in strong solidarity that assures children in the system are not getting abused, and that shadows these foster care agencies. Jacquinn, that’s what the foster homes, agencies and social services are supposed to do. In an attempt to be jovial let me say, “Oh really? Wow you really fooled me.” According to my files, foster homes were getting about $1,500 a month off of me and both parties were working full time jobs. That is not a lot of money but why was I only getting $100 every six months for clothes, two dollars a day for lunch money and alienated from engaging in local community sporting events? What’s so twisted and sad about some foster homes is that if there are other foster brothers/sisters residing in the home the parents choose their favorites. Unfortunately, I was never chosen a favorite and I recall questioning there love for me almost everyday. It wasn’t peculiar for me to write on a piece of paper, “Do you love me check yes or no,” along with two boxes and go post it on the care takers door. Now that may seem silly and worthy of a laugh to most. However, when you have a child who was doing that at age 13 having lost both parents before age nine and suffered through a lot of abuse, a real concern should be raised-that is if you truly care about the child. There is growing evidence that some but not all foster homes are into this “business” for the money. There are too many foster homes that are too dam weak to exercise their power that they have to get more involved with the policy side of things in reference to foster care. Take it from my personal experience, it is painful to be placed in a foster home and the foster dad has no balls and the foster mom has no genuine heart! A foster couple once told me that they were aware that social workers were predicting me to fail while I was in foster care, yet they did nothing to intervene and try to help me and the proof is in the pudding that they have trepidation. If we keep allowing these soft ass foster parents who are too timid to speak for the voiceless children in foster care and speak the truth about what is REALLY going on because they don’t want to have their little reputation become vulnerable, then their weak asses should forfeit their foster care licenses. I haven’t even touched on the negligence once you hit 18 and leave the system (excuse me are forced out of the system) but bear with me because this is just my warm-up, part two is coming and juvenile justice your ass is next………………………..